A Difficult Conversation With My Road Bike

I had to have a very difficult conversation with my road bike which went like this.

Me to my road bike: We have to have a difficult conversation.
RB: Yes, I agree. You don’t love me anymore.
Me: That’s not true. I have had lots of bikes in life but you will always be my favorite. Think about it. We road across the US together. Do you know how many people and road bikes can say that? Very very few.

RB: You like E better than me. [E is my eBike.]
Me: No, E is just easier to ride at this point in my life.
RB: That’s because you are old.
ME: That’s harsh and I am older, not old.
RB: That’s what old people always say.

ME: Anyway, I have been looking for a new home for you.
RB: Are you selling me. You suck.
Me: Hey, let’s keep this civil. No, I would never sell you. But a couple is coming to visit in December and they may be interested in giving you a new home where you will be ridden regularily.

RB: Are they coming just to see me?
Me: No, they are coming to run a marathon.
RB: Seriously, why would anyone run when they can ride a bike?
ME: Preaching to the choir dude, preaching to the choir?

RB: Are they nice?
Me: They seem nice. But how well do you really know anyone?
RB: How long have you known them?
Me: Her since she was born. Him since they got together some years ago.
RB: Do they have kids?
Me: Not that I know of. Never seen any. They do have dogs.
RB: Will the dogs pee on me.
Me: Absolutely not! This will be in the contract.

RB: Where do they live?
Me: In Minnesota.
RB: That’s really cold.
Me: Not in the summer. Summer’s are hot and humid. You have been ridden many times in Minnesota including when we went across the US. Remember those days it was 90 degrees with 90% humidity. We both were sweating.

RB: Will I be stored inside or outside?
Me: Inside. You will be nice and toasty when its freezing outside. Besides, you spent several years in a garage in Fargo during winter.
RB: I have never forgiven you for that. Will they take good care of me, air in the tires, clean and oil regularly.
Me: I am sure they will. Keep in mind, you might not be a good fit for them. With bikes like a couple of other things in life, size matters.
RB: I guess that makes sense.

Me: One last thing, my biggest personal athletic accomplishment in life was riding across the US with you. Adventure Cycling estimates about 1,000 people bike across the US annually. With a US population of about 335 Million, that’s a tiny percentage. And we rode every mile. Pretty cool.
RB: Yep, pretty cool.