A Memorial to a Very Good Friend

A very good friend of mine just passed away. He fought a rare and difficult disease for a long time. He will be greatly missed by his family and friends. I am sad.

I am no stranger to death. My dad was killed a farming accident when I was 5, one of my sisters was killed in a car accident when she was 14, my brother died of cancer when he was 59. My mother at age 89, mostly from old age and reaching 89. I learned a long time ago sometimes life is short, sometimes long, sometimes in the middle.

Last May we went out for coffee and talked about really difficult subjects. The kind of conversation you can only have with a close friend. Almost two years ago to the date when I was out of remission of my kidney disease and things were not looking good. I told him if could not better, I was out. During a very difficult time in my life, he listened, provided insight, was not judgmental, but supportive. And let’s be honest, I can be a jerk anytime, but when I am not healthy, I become a complete and total jerk and he never called me on it.

We talked about the “why me” question and I told him I never once have I wondered “why me” when it came to my kidney disease. Stuff happens. Am I unlucky to have had to deal with the disease or lucky to have had it and still been able to build a business and do all the the other things I have done. I think I am lucky, I could have been gone a long time ago.

We talked about the Universe playing favorites and I told him about my sister dying at age 21 a week before she would have graduated from nursing school. She had attended a catholic college in the Twin Cities and three of the sisters from the college were pretty much with us 24/7 from the time of the accident until my mother pulled the plug a few days later and she passed on. The sisters were compassionate, kind, loving and simply amazing during a difficult time. However, several times they told me “this was God’s will”.

Even at age 14 I knew this was stupid. God does not cause 21 year old girls to die. Stuff happens, and a lot of it is not good and some is really bad. What God is, I believe is a loving presence in our lives. This presence along with other things, allows us to love our neighbors as our selves. My friend understood this. He was strong, but also was kind, caring and loved all those around him.

We also talked about life’s blessings, and he was blessed.
He loved and respected his wife very much as she did him. One time when he was not around, she told me he was a ‘rock star’. After years of marriage, that’s pretty cool. Their relationship was a blessing.
He loved and was very proud of children and grandchildren as they did him. That’s a blessing.
He cared about his friends as they did about him. That’s a blessing.
He had a great career and did a lot of really cool stuff when not working. That’s a blessing.

Every once and awhile he would call me his brother by another mother. He did have thing in common with my older brother, they both were a whole lot smarter than me. My friend was well educated, well read and was thoughtful and intelligent on many subjects.

We shared what we thought was a very sophisticated sense of humor. Others, who were less sophisticated, often did laugh at our jokes and stories. That happens when one’s sense of humor is more developed than the rest in the group.

The picture is from one of our neighborhood gatherings. I have no idea what we were celebrating. It could be I got the whole group to face the same direction at the same time without talking. Now that’s humor and my friend would think it was funny.

We talked about what comes after this life. Everyone has their own beliefs on this, but I do know this, he will live in the thoughts and memories of his friends for the rest of their lives and for his family, generations to come. I will miss you buddy.