Grace, Forgiveness, Moving On

When my mother moved on, [moved on is a nicer way of saying died], she was 89 years old, only a few weeks from reaching 90. She had health issues and it was her time. My daughter who lived in Oregon at the time used to call her and say if she could hang until 90 she got credit for the whole decade. Every time my daughter said this, my mom would just giggle. I rarely if ever saw my mom giggle, so that was surprising. But my daughter always brought out the best in my mom.

When my mom was in the last few days of her life, my daughter flew to MN to spend some time with her. When my daughter was getting ready to fly back to Oregon my mom told her she did not think she could make it until 90. I was standing in the back of the hospice room and could here them clearly. My daughter said Grandma, you had a great life, if you’re ready to go, you just go. I have always thought this was the permission my mother need to move on. It was an act of love.

I have often thought that if my mother had died in her 60s I would have remembered her much differently. I was pretty much a disappointment to her growing up and into my young adult years and she was very clear to my about all my shortcomings. But she lived for another 25+ years and she saw me build a small successful business along with provide for my family. When she died, she was proud of me. The last two years of her life, I drove 200 miles one way every other weekend to have Sunday dinner at the facility in which she lived. Those Sunday dinners are some of my best memories.

In all fairness, when I was growing up, I was a lazy mouthy smart ass. Though some would say I have not changed, I like to think I have grown as a person.

Though we can strive to live a healthy lifestyle, the reality is we do not have a lot control when our time is up. Stuff happens, some of it not good. For that matter, we have zero control of when we are born. I am pretty sure I was born because my parents, who lived in a drafty cold old farm house, were snuggling 9 months earlier to stay warm and got carried away. They had four kids already and barely had enough money to provide for them. I’m pretty sure I was an accident.

I had a close relative just pass way too early. She was a good person, great mom and wife. And I think she liked me, which is pretty rare. I’m not really likable. I liked her also. She had health issues and they finally got the best of her.

When family and friends move on we can choose how we remember them. We should always choose grace and forgiveness. I forgave my mom long before she moved on for not being prefect as a mother and I hope she forgave me for being a jerky son. We all live in grace and we all need forgiveness.

When its my time, I hope people remember the few things I did right and not focus on all my mistakes. We cannot choose when someone moves on, but we can choose how we remember them.