PB & Encouragement

I was playing pickle ball in the Advance Intermediate Open Play division in Portland.  After winning a close game against a good team, my partner turned to me and said “thank you for encouraging me, it really made a difference”.   

My partner was young, late 40s to early 50s.  Wow, when did 50 become young to me.  Anyway, I digress.  In Open Play you change partners after every game.  I had played against her in an earlier game, and I knew she was good, but not confident.  So after every point, if we won the point I said something like you played great.  If we lost the point I said we’ll get the next one, we’re good.  The last few points of the game, the other team went at her most every point and she destroyed them.  That was fun to watch.  

Afterwards, she and talked about the power of encouragement.  I told her I had been playing over two years in three different venues and the vast majority of PB players are really fun and encouraging.  But there are always a few that are joy sucks.  They do so by being a critical and condescending when their partner loses a point or makes a mistake.  Sometimes verbally and sometimes non-verbally and sometimes both.  

The reality in PB and life, people make mistakes.  In PB the are called unforced errors.  A few weeks ago I was playing in Competitive Open Play in AZ and my partner who I had not met before made an unforced error.  She turned to me and started to apologize and I said hey, don’t worry about it, your doing great.  She looked at me and said something like “wow, thank you, my husband always criticizes me when I make a mistake”.  

In visiting with her a bit later on, I found it he was soon to be her ex-husband.  Normally when there is the end of a long-term relationship there are a number of problems, but in PB and life it is always better to have a partner who is supportive and encouraging.

There is no cost to being encouraging, but there are benefits.  

Some years ago on a bike tour across the US I did the first leg from Everett, WA to Missoula, MT.  There was a rider on the tour who was at least 50-70 lbs over weight.  He looked like he had never been on a bike before and he pretty much had not.  Turned out he was a teacher on the East Coast and told his class if they reached a certain level in their achievement tests he would ride across the US.  He did not even own a bike.  The students hit the desired level on their tests, be bought a bike and a month later he was on a bike tour across the US on which I did the first leg.  The third day was over a hundred miles and included a climb which was one of three most difficult I had ever done on bike, close to Independence Pass in CO and Teton Pass from ID to WY.  For five miles of switchbacks, the grade was always at least 10-12% and occasional hit 14%.  Most of us got in between 2-4 in the afternoon.  He showed up after 8 pm in the evening having done ever mile.  I found him after the next day’s ride and told him that I had done a lot of bike tours, but what he did the previous day was the most amazing bike accomplishment I had ever seen.  I said for someone new to biking, a 100+ miles including a very difficult climb was a tremendous accomplishment.  He said really, I said yes.  I told him he needed to be very proud of himself.  I found him a at the end of my leg of the tour and wished him well.  He told me how appreciative my encouragement had been to him and really helped the next few days. 

Encouragement can have that effect.

Every once in awhile during a PB game, I notice one of my opponents criticizing and/or coaching their partner.   Almost always the partner being criticized or coached plays worse from that point on.  If you’re one of those players who likes to coach during a game, let me coach you a little. Don’t do that, be encouraging instead.

For those who have played PB with or against me, they may say I can be very self-critical.   Let’s just say being self-encouraging does not come naturally.  But I am getting better.  The other day when I hit a bad shot, I said to myself, “well, that’s not the worst shot you have ever hit”.  Baby steps.  

If you were around me when I am out and about, you may notice that most every service interaction I have, I almost always say “thank you for helping me” and normally conclude with “stay safe”.  [Actually no one wants to be around me including me but I really do not have any choice.]

We live in a society, especially with social media, where there are way to many who quick to criticize or make fun of others.  If you make encouragement as a part of your normal life, your life and the lives of those around you will be a little better.  I encourage you to do so.